


Fight, Force

by SarahWritesThings



Series: "Extreme Risk" [5]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Depression, Episode: s05e03 Extreme Risk, F/M, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 08:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18517927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahWritesThings/pseuds/SarahWritesThings
Summary: Things don't get better overnight.Light trigger warning for depression.





	Fight, Force

The faintest ‘ _enter_ ’ ushered the doors open into the dark quarters.

Tom took a tentative step in, unable to make out shapes in the darkness.

“B’Elanna?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I turn some lights on?”

He half expected him to throw something at him, but her quiet voice ordered dim lighting.

She was sat, curled horizontally on her couch, body thrown across the cousins like she had landed there, and hadn’t had the strength to move again.

Tom looked around, but her quarters seemed to be in order. “How are you doing?”

She blinked at him, making the silence feel even more empty.

“I’m fine.”

_Well that’s a blatant lie._

“Then why are you sitting in the dark?”

“I just didn’t turn on the lights.”

It was these moments that Tom felt more helpless than when they had been floating in space. At least then he was able to hold her in his arms.

Taking a silent breath, he took a tentative step closer. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Don’t do that Tom.”

He stilled. “What?”

“Please don’t be all calm and understanding. Don’t try to take care of me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Slowly she sat up, planting her feet on the ground and taking her head into her hands. Covering her eyes.

“You’re about to start fussing over me. You’ll make me eat something, try and get me to shower or get in bed or read a padd or do something. You’ll tell me that _it’s okay to feel like this._ You’ll be the most kind and understanding boyfriend and you can’t do that right now.”

“B’Elanna, I’ve found you sat alone in the dark, probably since you got off your shift two hours ago. Please let me try to take care of you.”

“No! Just….don’t do the song and dance.”

He kept his voice level, not wanting to betray all the confusion he felt. “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t want you to do anything. I don’t need you to do anything.” She looked up at him, finally making eye contact.

“Well you seem to have a pretty good idea what I shouldn’t do so maybe you could enlighten me?”

He stopped. She was obviously in a bad place, and his snapping at her wasn’t going to help matters at all. He tried his best to steady himself before continuing.

“B’Elanna, I want to help, so please, tell me what I can do.”

“Yell at me.”

“What?”

“Scream at me. _Force_ me to be okay.”

“I-”

“I need you to shake me out of this. Put some life into me because I can’t seem to find it myself!”

“Okay B’Elanna how about you take a-“

“No! Don’t be all calm and collected and understanding! Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that this is not who I am. Tell me that you need me to get better. Force me to live for _something_.”

Now he was shocked into silence. He stared, open mouthed.

“Tom….I’m drowning here.”

Tears began to flow down her face. Angry, frustrated, hopeless tears.

“I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know if this is me. Am I now just a hollow empty lump? Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of my life? Just fighting the same thing over and over again until I’m exhausted? Until we all give up?”

She gasped for air.

“When does it end?”

Unable to keep respectful distance, Tom crossed to the sofa and pulled her into his arms.

“B’Elanna, I’m never going to give up on you.”

She shook her head, refusing to lean into his embrace.

“But this isn’t me. You can see that. So why do you bother staying?”

“Because I love you.”

She tried to pull away at these words, but he wouldn’t let her.

“No, B’Elanna, listen to me. I don’t know how to help you right now. But I’m going to do everything in my power to figure out what I can do because I know that you, _you_ , are still there, under all this pain. The incredible woman that I love is still here in front of me.”

“Tom I’m so scared.”

“I know, but we’re going to get through this B’E.”

“Promise?”

_No._

“Of course.”


End file.
